


Please Come Back (When You're Ready)

by Enigmaeneel, gameofdrarrymod, OTPshipper98



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety, Boys In Love, Boys that Miss Each Other, Depression, Dissociation, Dragons, Epistolary, Established Relationship, Exam Stress, Fluff and Feels, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, M/M, Mentally Healing, Mentions of Sex, Mild Pansy Bashing, PTSD, There Are Some Blink-and-You'll-Miss-It Explicit Lines
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-15 06:28:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18493288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enigmaeneel/pseuds/Enigmaeneel, https://archiveofourown.org/users/gameofdrarrymod/pseuds/gameofdrarrymod, https://archiveofourown.org/users/OTPshipper98/pseuds/OTPshipper98
Summary: The summer after the Battle of Hogwarts brought a lot of changes to the wizarding world, but the change that surprised the most people was the friendship (that quickly became more) between Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. Now, in their 8th year at Hogwarts, the boys are trying to navigate their futures while balancing their relationship and mental health. When Harry goes missing in the spring, Draco knows just where he is. Draco also knows that the only way to bring him back is to give Harry space while letting him know he cares, so he writes Harry a letter.





	1. Letter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of the 2019 Owlery Exchange. The authors were matched and corresponded back and forth anonymously as Harry and Draco for the duration of the exchange until reveals.
> 
>  **[Enigmaeneel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/enimgaeneel)** wrote as Draco.
> 
>  **[OTPshipper98](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OTPshipper98)** wrote as Harry.

Dear Harry,

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand why you had to go. But I still hate it. Hogwarts is empty without you and I never realised how much I became used to seeing your ugly birds nest hair around, especially first thing in the morning.

Granger and the Weasel are nearly as lost as I am, and that’s saying something. But you can see their relationship getting stronger as the time goes on. They seem content. Happy. But there’s still a link missing. After all, how can they be the golden trio if there’s only two of them? Golden duo doesn’t have the same ring to it.

The female Weasel is dating Blaise. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? Blaise snatched her up. Cunning little thing he is. At least you can rest easy knowing she’s not pining after you.

Pansy’s still an annoying clingy little chit. But I guess if she changed I’d be questioning who replaced her.

Then there’s Luna. She’s still the same airhead that we’ve all come to know and love. Walking around warning people about whackspurts or what the fuck ever and the like.

Classes are… well they’re actually quite tedious. With N.E.W.T.S. coming up the teachers are drilling us with all sorts of information and expecting us to remember it all. Which of course, we’re not. Add in all the old information they’re revising and it’s all a giant ball of mess stuck together with dicky tape (or what the fuck ever that muggle word is) And it doesn’t help that you’re not there to keep me in line, or entertain me with your stupidity either.

But I’m trying.

Even the common room is quiet because everyone is either studying (Granger and every Ravenclaw ever) or staring off into space (Weasel, until Granger smacks him over the head, and everyone else). But there’s not much laughter.

Do you remember when Thomas fell asleep in a chair and fell off because he’d overbalanced himself? I can still hear your laughter. Merlin did we laugh for hours over that. Absolute hours. I miss that.

I miss you.

I’m doing okay. I’m just taking things one day at a time. Nights are the worst though. Especially since I don’t have you to calm me down. I mean, I go to bed early enough. But I just lay there and look at the ceiling for hours until eventually, I doze off. I’m getting at least 3 hours a night which is better than a few months ago. What I find the hardest is the fact that the bed is empty. I’m still not used to rolling over and you not being there. It’s strange how quickly I became used to sharing a bed, but it’s stranger how long it’s taking me to get used to sleeping by myself again. And that’s the main thing that is getting me through the days. I suppose it’s because I know that you are coming back. Knowing that one day, hopefully soon, you are coming back.

Madam Pomfrey is keeping tabs on me though. I still have to see her every week to get my anti-depression potions. You know what she’s like. You go in for a second visit, an hour later you’re walking out after she’s just made you spill your guts out about what you’re feeling, how you’re doing, what you’re thinking. The problem is, I think too much.

I never feel comfortable talking about myself and what’s going on in my life, you of all people know that. But with you Harry, it was never difficult. I just found myself opening up.

Harry I know I’ve said it already, but I really miss you. I miss our late night talks about everything and nothing. I miss the way we could just be silent, but it wasn’t deafening because you were there with me. I miss having that person that has my back all the time. I miss your smile and your laugh. I miss just being able to walk into the common room after a shitty day and cuddling up to you on the lounge while talking through it all, or even just snuggled together while we’re doing homework and studying. I miss your strength. I miss running my hands through your hair, not that anyone notices because it’s always a mess anyway. I miss us being us.

I find myself going to write a note to you in class to see if you saw something I find hilarious and you’re not there anymore. Classes feel empty, the whole school feels empty. When I’m walking down the corridors I miss how our hands fit together perfectly. I miss sneaking into broom cupboards for a quick snog which always without a doubt, turns heated making us late for class.

I understand why you had to go. I do. I don’t like it, but I get it. Please always remember, no matter how hard times get that I am here for you.

Always.

I send this letter hoping you’ll get it, but please don’t feel pressured to reply. Just take your time.

Sending you all my love, support, comfort and absolutely anything else you need.

Love always,

Draco.


	2. Letter Two

Hey.

Sorry I took so long to reply. Your letter, it… it made me want to go back so badly, Draco. I’ve been reading it over and over again for days, and each time I had to tuck it away before I changed my mind about all this and apparated right between your arms. I’ve also been telling myself you could be in the bathroom at any given moment — that helped dissuade me too.

Jokes aside...

I’m sorry. Sorry for leaving, sorry for not telling you, sorry for not being there. I don’t have any real excuses. I know you said you understood, but I… I just want you to know this isn’t because of you. If I’m completely honest, you’re the only reason I wanted to stay. Not even Ron and Hermione, or Luna, or Dean’s face when he hit the floor. Just you. (But don’t tell them).

Still, I’m glad I left. At least I am most of the time. I think I needed this — needed the peace and quiet and the change in environment. Needed some time away from everything that has happened at Hogwarts, and everything everyone expects of me. Needed time away from my own thoughts and feelings.

But fuck, Draco, I miss you too. I miss you so much. I wasn’t even going to write that down, but the feeling took over me just from thinking about you.

I miss you. I miss you when I look out the window in the morning and it’s rainy and bright. I miss you when I go out for a walk and a neighbour tries to talk to me in Romanian — I just want to share my embarrassment with you, giggle with you, and take your hand as I walk down the hill to get some breakfast. I miss you when I walk all the way up the hill again and into Charlie’s Dragon shelter. I miss you every time I hear the word ‘Dragon’ and I just want to utter your name so I can see you smile as you tell me how silly I am.

I wish I had brought a camera just so I could share all of this with you.

I know this is going to sound stupid, but I’m proud of you for trying. I’m proud of you for taking it a day at a time, and for sleeping, even if not that much — and for… for not giving up on me, I guess. That must be hard. My aunt always did say I was difficult to deal with, and that everyone’s lives would be easier without me in them.

Sorry for making things hard for you.

And… thank you for loving me still.

This is going to sound silly, and I’m probably going to regret writing it, but — do you think you could write down all the things that you’d say to me if I was there with you? The thoughts that keep you awake, the silly things that make you laugh in class… and then owl them to me? Because I’d love to read them. All of them.

I guess I just want to be there with you and to have you here with me as well. Maybe you could buy a dictating quill and just… you know, spew everything you want to share with me so it writes it down for you? If it’s too much effort writing it down yourself, I mean. I don’t want to be a burden. But I don’t want you to feel alone, either. I’m still here for you, even if I can’t hold you right now, or snog you senseless, or snuggle into the curve of your neck while we fall asleep. You’re not alone, okay?

And Draco, I may need a bit more time, but when I do go back, I want you to know I’m never going to let go of you. I’m going to hold you so close for so long you’re going to end up smelling of me for the rest of the school year, and the summer, and… whatever comes next.

Not that I want to think about the future, though. You know that already. Ugh, I don’t know why I brought that up.

Anyway, back to smells. There’s a reason I’m sending you my jumper, I swear. Yes, I know you said it was hideous, and no, Romanian springs are not particularly warm — but I want you to have it. I’ve been wearing it a lot, so I figured it probably smelled of me. And I know you like my scent, so… yeah. There you go, I guess. You don’t have to sleep with it or anything if you don’t want to, but I do like the idea of you curling your body around it and sniffing it in bed. After you take your anti-depression potions, of course.

And if you really, really want to annoy Ginny, you could even wear it around Hogwarts. Not that I want you to annoy her, of course. I still love her as a friend — and I’m happy for her and Blaise, by the way, you twat — but I know you do enjoy riling her up from time to time. She loves doing the same to you, by the way. I think you’ll become great friends with time, but that’s another topic.

Hey… take care, okay? And if you really, absolutely need me to go back — tell me. Because I’ll drop everything and go back to you. I promise I will. You just need to ask.

I’m here, Draco, even if I’m not.

Yours,

Harry.

P.S.: it’s ‘duct tape,’ silly.


	3. Letter Three

Harry,  
  
Fuck. I don’t even know where to start. This is going to be a complete mess of a letter and I apologise in advance. I have so many things to say and I want to make sure I get most of them. There are about a thousand different pieces of paper attached to this letter because they’re all random thoughts just like you asked.  
  
I promised myself I wouldn’t say it in this letter, but fuck, I miss you. Guess I broke that promise hey? I feel… I feel like you had to hear it.  
  
Your letter made me smile like never before. The paper is starting to wear thin from where it’s been folded and unfolded. And if I’ve just about worn holes in your jumper from wearing it so much, well that’s no one's business. I love that you know me so well as well, I may or may not have worn it to annoy Girl Weasley. I think Granger and Male Weasley were more phased by it simply because I know where you are and they don’t. I wore it to bed the other night but I could only do it once. Not because I didn’t want to, but because it made me miss you so much more Harry. Your smell being the first and last thing I smelt when I started to wake or fall asleep, surrounding me, soothing me. It was just too hard. I woke up forgetting and thought you had come home. That was an exceptionally hard day.  
  
You are in absolutely in no way, shape, or form a burden. We’ve discussed this, multiple times, and will continue to discuss it until you believe me. Your aunt is a twat whose opinion has zero effect on how I feel about you. You could ask me for the stars Harry, and I would do my best to give them to you. That's what you do for someone you care about, for people you love. You do things because you want them happy, which I do.  
  
I sincerely hope you know this Harry. I would do just about anything, as long as I knew you were happy. That’s why I won’t ask you to come back. Because I can tell by your letter that while you’re not completely healed yet, you’re getting there.  
  
I wish I was there in Romania with you as well. I would love to walk down the hill with you, I would love to laugh with you about what they’re saying to you, I would love to see the dragons with you, after all, you know they’re my favourite animal. Am I jealous that you get to spend all this time with them? Yes. But I’m more jealous that they get to spend all this time with you. Go and buy a camera then you complete git, because I want to see it all. Can you please see if you can and send me some pictures? I want to see it, to feel like I’m there with you. It’s the closest I can get.  
  
  
Don’t you DARE be sorry for leaving Harry. You are the most selfless person I have ever met and you need to know it’s okay to leave! I don’t blame you, I’m not angry — that I promise you — and I understand. We all need to find ourselves at one stage or another. You gave so much of yourself Harry and received so little in return. Nobody said it was going to be easy, no one. They just said it was going to be worth it, and I need you to promise me that you will remind yourself of this.  
  
Remind yourself every day you want to come back, remind yourself of this every time you feel like changing your mind, remind yourself of it every time you miss me. I don’t  
want you to come back until you are ready, I need you to be happy, ready, confident, and most of all I need you to be strong.  
  
Because as much as I try to be strong, I still have days where I think it’s too hard, where I want to give up everything I have — everything I know — but you? You keep me strong. You keep me going. You… you keep me real. And for that, I should be the one thanking you.  
  
Never thank me for not giving up on you. I will never give up on you until the day I die, Harry. You have come to mean that much to me. You haven’t made things hard for me Harry. I need you to understand, you make it easy. You gave me a reason for living. You have completely changed my life.  
  
I’m still taking my potion every day like I know you would want me to. I’m still not sleeping much, only averaging a couple of hours a night, but it’s better than nothing. I’ve found that reading your letter helps a lot. I also have that photo of us that Granger took, the one where you’re leaning against the tree and I’m leaning against you. I love how carefree we look — how relaxed we look. I love everything about that photo. It has definitely become one of my most prized possessions. Just like the person in it with me. More times than I can count I’ve woken up staring at it.  
  
When you come back, we’re going into hibernation for an undeclared amount of time. I know that sounds selfish, but I just need to be with you, Harry. I need you to myself for a few days. I need to be held by you. The only time I feel safe, secure, home! — is when I’m cuddling up with you.  
  
And let’s be real, we’re going to fuck. The things I plan to do to you aren’t for anyone else to hear or see. I plan on making you scream. I miss the way you moan my name, I miss the way you wither underneath me, I miss the way you come undone. I can see it now, at first it will be hard and fast, but somewhere along the line, it will turn to soft and sensual. Because that’s just who we are.  
  
But Harry, I will never ask you to come back. Because you need to be okay, because you? You mean absolutely everything to me.  
  
I love you always, I miss you more.  
  
Love always,  
Draco.  
  
P.s I know you don’t like talking about the future, I don’t either. But I do see myself growing old with you Harry. I see you and I exchanging our vows. You’re it for me, Harry. I hope you know that.  
  
Random thoughts—  
  
  
What on earth is Thomas doing now?  
  
Turns out Thomas was attempting to flirt. It looked more like someone trying to exterminate something.  
  
Of course, Longbottom blew up the cauldron. Can’t exactly say that surprises me because let’s be real here.  
  
I miss you.  
  
It’s cold and lonely and this bed is far too big without you in it Harry.  
  
I wish you were here to see Weasley get attacked by that family owl of his when delivering a letter. I laughed so hard.  
  
Granger asked me if I heard from you and if I knew where you were. I said yes, even if it was just to rub it in her face today, she got so ridiculously angry when I wouldn’t tell her where you were. She’s not talking to me, oh how devastating.  
  
Thomas just fell off the chair again!!! Didn’t he learn the first time?  
  
Blaise and Girl Weasel look disgusting when they kiss. Why do people think PDA is a thing everyone wants to see? I think Blaise lost his tongue down her throat.  
  
You would think that they could make potions taste at least a little better. These anti-depressant potions taste absolutely vile. I would rather lick your shoes after a day in the reserve than this.  
  
Can you bring me back a pet dragon?! That would make me so ridiculously happy.  
  
What an absolutely stupid waste of time that class was. You would think that a ghost could at least be a little more interesting. But I suppose he’s had the life sucked out of him. (See what I did there, why aren’t you here to laugh at me?)  
  
Who the hell did I piss off to attract this pathetic excuse for a harpy that is Pansy and how do I apologise? I ended up hexing her today because she didn’t get the hint after I screamed no in her face. We’ll see how long that lasts.  
  
You can NOT give me the information that I’m the only reason you wanted to stay and tell me not to tell them. What kind of inhuman person says that?!? Do you know me at all??  
  
Your jumper smells like you, but you’re right. It’s hideous. But I’ll sacrifice my fashion sense for the smell of you surrounding me. If that doesn’t tell you how much I love you, god only knows what will. I’m wearing this pathetic hideous jumper just to smell you.  
  
Harry, why the fuck aren’t you here. I just had that dream, you know the one. Why the fuck do I keep seeing him kill Burbage? Except for this time, it was me killing her. They’re only getting worse. I’m convinced that these potions are doing fuck all.  
  
Can’t get back to sleep. So I wanked. Not going to lie hahaha. Thoughts of you came rushing into my mind, images of you bending me over the desk and fucking me from behind. Thank Merlin for dildos and magic. I tell you what.  
  
Girl Weasley is completely jealous of my jumper. Well, yours but it’s mine at the moment. She’s not having it. I will fight her to the death.  
  
Why the hell do I need to know how to disarm someone? Wasn’t that all we did last year? Is there an improper way to do it? Pick your wand up and wave it around saying the magic words. Again, why aren’t you here to laugh at how amazingly hilarious I am? Instead, I look like an idiot and am laughing to myself.  
  
I PRODUCED A PATRONUS TODAY and you weren’t here. I was so excited and I just wanted you to see it. It was a stag. It wasn’t until Granger gasped that I realised where I’d seen it before. Looks exactly like Prongs. I know you’re always here protecting me.  
  
So apparently Pansy didn’t get the message. Perhaps when you come back you can fix it! I don’t know what else to do about her without AKing her, which admittedly looks better and better every day. Especially when she opens her mouth. ‘Oh Dracie poo’ blah. It makes me want to throw up.  
  
Please come back soon. You mean absolutely everything to me. I don’t think you realise.  
  
  
P.p.s these are all yours now Harry. You’re the only one that I would even contemplate saying these to. Hope you’re okay. Write back soon. I love you.


	4. Letter Four

YOU PRODUCED A PATRONUS???? DRACO, I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!

Sorry, I was going to reply to everything you said in your letter in order, but I got way too excited when I read that.

Huh… let me start again.

Hi,

I’m so fucking proud of you for producing a Patronus!!! So much so that I don’t even feel sad about not having been there to witness it. Merlin, I can’t wait to go back home for you to show it to me. I’m gonna hug you so fucking hard. And a stag, dang! How lucky of you to be Snape’s soulmate!

Oh, wow, that was a joke. I don’t think I’ve joked in a while. I’m just feeling extremely happy right now, I can’t put it into words. My chest just filled with happiness while reading your letter, and imagining your wearing my jumper on the common room while you write me those little notes isn’t exactly helping me stop smiling like a loon. Just… it kind of made my day, I won’t lie to you. I think I could sing right now. (Although… yeah, I’d better not do that. Don’t want the neighbours to think I’m being Crucio’d.)

But at the same time, I suddenly miss you SO MUCH, Draco. Fuck. Not that I haven’t been missing you non-stop since I left, but… yeah. Fuck. Yeah, I’m gonna fuck you hard against the wall as soon as I get back. And blow you. Because you fucking deserve it, because you’re the best — the best at being a little shit and the best at making me feel loved, which, in my humble opinion, is a damn perfect combination. I certainly wouldn’t mind hibernating for you for the rest of my life.

Oh my god, Dean fell from his chair again?? Are you kidding me? Merlin, ok, that’s hilarious. I wish I’d been there to see that and laugh my arse off with you. Alas, I’d rather skip the whole Ginny-and-Blaise-choking-on-each-other issue, that doesn’t sound like fun. Although… it would be an interesting idea to ruin their mood a bit. You know, sneakily making fart sounds while they’re at it and pretending nothing happened, and stuff. Do you know how to sneakily make fart sounds? Not sure that’s something you purebloods learn as kids. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Ron make one. I certainly do know how to do it — I loved teasing my cousin like that when he was pretending to be cool in primary school.

About the pictures — I’ve been thinking about buying a camera for weeks now, but I just didn’t have the energy to do it and I guess I’ve been procrastinating it. I’d say I’m still trying to figure out how “bani” works here — that’s the Romanian word for money, by the way — but that would be a lie. I’ve been drinking too much coffee at this cafe in the village and I know the coins and banknotes by heart now.

Ahh, I want to talk to you about Romania. I hope it’s okay I do! If not… sorry, heh. Skip the next bit, I guess.

Okay, so, weird fact! Did you know they have 1 Lei banknotes here? A lei is like… a pound. Except it’s not, because stuff is much more expensive here. I asked Charlie about it, and he said there’s like five pounds in a Lei. So basically, they have 20 penny banknotes here. It’s fucking crazy, don’t you think?

Also, I can babble a few words in Romanian now! I know that “chorba” means soup, and that when a store is closed they say “închis”. I have no idea how it’s read, though — Charlie laughed at me when I tried to read it out loud. Oh! And they have this… yellow thing made of corn flour that they eat with every single meal, and they call it “mamaliga”, or “mamalida”, or something like that. And! Butt is said “cur”. Don’t ask me why I know that. I don’t have the answer to that question.

Ha, Charlie just walked by as I wrote that last paragraph and told me I was “smiling like Draco’s sent you nudes in his last letter, dude”. I told him you’d actually rambled a lot about wearing my jumper, and I asked him if I could bring home one of the tiniest Dragons for you. He guffawed and said you did look like you could do with a few burns and scratches and perhaps one or two finger amputations, then shook his head and said dinner would be ready in thirty. He always cooks dinner for me, you know? He’s mixed most of Molly’s receipts with Romanian cuisine! I think I’ve eaten fish and chips with this mamaliga thing for five days in a row now. Anyway, I’m digressing. Sorry, no Dragons for you. I rather like you with all your fingers intact, thank you very much. They feel too good tussled in my hair and curled around my cock.

God, I’m feeling so happy right now, Draco. I might just sprint to the village and buy that camera while Charlie fights against the kitchen utensils so I can take a few snaps for you tomorrow at the shelter. I want to share everything with you, I just miss you that much.

Fuck, I love you so much. I just got distracted re-reading your letter again — it must be the fifth time I read it and it arrived like twenty minutes ago.

Draco, thank you. Thank you for telling me I’m not a burden. Thank you for understanding that I need to hear it. And thanks for calling my aunt a twat — I think I need to hear that more often, too. They were all horrible to me in that house, and I can’t let myself think otherwise right now. And hey, I’m gonna say say something overly cheesy, I’m warning you so you don’t get a concussion hitting your head against the table when you read it — but… why would I need the stars when I already have a constellation? (That’s… that’s you. Get it? ‘Draco’ is the name of a constellation. I think that’s pretty much all I can remember from my Astronomy lessons. Merlin, even then, hearing your name from Vector’s lips stirred something inside me that made me unable to stop thinking about you. It’s a bit pathetic, really).

By the way, now that we’re getting sentimental… uh, I think you have changed my life too. I never thought… you know I never thought I could find something like this. Like what we’ve found together. If you’d told me a year ago I’d be saying ‘I love you’ to anyone by now, least of all to you, and meaning it... I would have probably laughed an unamused laugh. I was too far gone. Too out of myself. And you were probably saving my life in Malfoy Manor around this time last year, and I taking your wand from you in an attempt to survive a war. I just realised I can’t remember exactly when that happened. The memory is already blurry. Can’t say I mind — I’d rather forget about it all, sometimes.

I think being here is helping me finally realise that things have changed since then. You know I sometimes enter this loop where my head tells me I’m still meant to save the world, and you’re still a Death Eater, and the fact that we’re dating seems entirely wrong… well, being here without you, getting your letters — I think it’s helping. Because now I can only miss you. Does that make any sense? I miss you so much I don’t have time to feel like I’m out of my own body when I realise that I’m dating you and that I’m in love with you. Fuck, that makes me sound crazy.

I… I think you’re right. I think I’m getting there. Getting better, I mean.

I love you too, Draco. I feel more sure of it now, even if most of me has known for months. I think you keep me real, too.

Ugh, I want to hold you so desperately right now. I want to feel as calm as we look in that picture you mentioned. You’re right… we almost look like we’re completely happy in it. Like we’re not struggling. Like you’re not having nightmares, and like your subjects aren’t making you cry into the pillow, and like I’m not questioning why the fuck I had to survive the war and why I continuously feel like I’m not in control of my own life.

Charlie just called out that dinner’s ready. I’ve been writing for the past half hour, haven’t I? And I’m still smiling like an idiot. He’s going to tease me so much for this, I don’t look forward to that, hahah. But who cares? I’m not ashamed of feeling happy to have you, after all. Anyway, guess the camera will have to wait until tomorrow!

Love, hugs, support, smiles, and lots and lots of blowjobs,

Your idiot. (Harry, in case it wasn’t clear).

P.s. Okay, I just had dinner, and I had to come back running to tell you that Charlie did, in fact, laugh at me. And I might have slipped about what you said regarding our future and exchanging vows. Don’t blame me, it was the last thing I read before I ran downstairs when he called me for the third time!

He thinks we’re cute. Can you believe that? He actually said we were cute. I didn’t even think that was a word that could come from Charlie Weasley’s mouth! Oh, and he told me to tell you to pat Blaise on the shoulder for him and tell him he’s in good hands. I guess he is — Ginny is amazing, after all.

Oh, also. We didn’t have fish and chips this time! He made chicken pie, actually. That made my day.

P.p.s. Forgot to reply to some of your notes. Sorry you had that nightmare again. I know you don’t usually believe me when I say this, but you are not a monster, Draco. You are a poshy git, yes, but you are not a monster nor a killer. That person in your dream? That wasn’t you. That was the person you’re most terrified of becoming. And that’s exactly why you’ll never turn into him again. I hope knowing that helps a bit… Also, sorry the potions taste like shit. I’m sure you’ll brew much better ones when you become the most renowned Potioneer in all of England.

P.p.p.s. What dildo did you use? I’m curious now.

P.p.p.p.s. Did I add the right amount of ‘P’s? I don’t know anymore. Anyway. I love you. I love you so much.

See you soon.


	5. Letter five

~~~~Hey Harry,

Yes Harry, Snape is my soulmate. I wasn’t sure how to tell you that I was leaving you for him. (That was a joke asswipe. And I may have just scared myself with that image. Ew.)

But nevertheless, I’m glad you’re joking again, even if it was terrible. Feel free to sing, just don’t do it where people can hear you, because Merlin knows you can’t sing. At all. I mean, we should really alert the press because there’s something that Harry Potter can’t do.

Totally kidding, I wouldn’t alert the press to anything. I sincerely hope you know that.

Babe, I miss you an absolutely ridiculous amount as well. I don’t think you understand how much I miss you.

I was sitting in the library the other day thinking about you. Granted, it started with you saying you were going to fuck me against the wall, but it switched. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I miss your cock, your mouth, your incredible body (which I’m sure has only gotten hotter since you’ve been over there) but I miss your smile, the way your eyes light up in a certain way, I miss the look on your face when you don’t understand something, the way your tongue pokes out just a little bit when you’re deep in thought. I miss the way you laugh at your own jokes because Merlin knows no one else does. I miss all of you.

Don’t get me wrong, I miss the way your cock hits my prostate every single time, I miss the way you hands twist my nipple in just the right way at the exact right moment, I miss the way your ass surrounds my cock while I’m fucking you, I miss the way your nose touches my pubes on every bop of your head when you’re blowing me, or the way your face looks while your riding my face so I can tongue fuck you until you don’t even know your own name, the way your arms can hold me up while your fucking me against the wall.

I’m going to finish this letter later, I’m going to go a fuck myself with the black dildo, the one we bought together at that sex shop in Hogsmeade.

So I may have got myself too excited with all the images streaming through my brain. But it’s better now that I wanked. Hopefully you have the same images and you’ll tell me what you do with them.

Moving on.

Fart noises are for children, how old are you again? But I didn’t get a chance to do them the other day because someone threw a pillow at them effectively telling them that the entire common room had had enough. I actually asked Thomas why no one did that to us, because you know, we were pretty much the same. Apparently, when the two hottest blokes in Hogwarts get together it just makes it hot. When girl Weasley and Blaise do it, it’s annoying and a turn off. Clearly we won this round and you’re not even here!

Did you buy a camera yet? Surely you have. Or has Charlie been keeping you busy? I mean, busy is good, but I want to see! How about when I… we… I don’t know — Graduate we could both go there? I would love to travel with you, would love to see what you’ve been up to, would love to just spend time with you. Argh, I’m such a sap Potter. What have you done to me? I would love to learn how ‘bani’ works, I want to sit in silly little cafes with you drinking coffee, (though how you drink coffee when it’s warm I have no idea).

I love that you’re embracing your surroundings, learning their language and culture. Although, it needs to be asked. How do you know what cur means? Been flirting with others while you’re there hey?

While I’m… ~~sad~~  upset that I’m not there looking after you, I’m immensely grateful that someone is, even if that someone is Charlie. I’m glad he’s cooking for you, I’m glad he’s making you eat and getting you to do things, even if he is nothing but a party spoiler (isn’t that the muggle saying? See I’m embracing you too) What have I got to do to get a dragon? I have nine other fingers to wrap around your cock and in your hair, but only if you pull mine soon.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read your letter, it’s starting to fade. Actually if I’m being honest, all the letters are.

Harry, I love you endlessly. I will tell you every single day that you are not a burden. I will tell you every single day how important you are to me. I will tell you every single day that you are singularly the most important person in my life, how much I love, adore and appreciate you.

I did hit my head, quite hard and then threw up a little the first time I read that, but secretly? I love how cheesy you can be knowing that it’s all for me. I love that you think that much of me. I’m nothing special, but somehow you love me. Somehow even with everything we’ve been through, you chose me. And I will choose you every single day for the rest of my life.

Don’t push yourself to remember. The brain is a fascinating organ, it tends to supresses the memories we don’t want to keep. What I’m about to tell you, I’ve never told anyone but here goes nothing.

Before we became friends, I was lost—that you already knew. But no one knows quite how lost I was. I had no purpose, I was nothing but a useless Death Eater. Fuck, I deserved to rot in Azkaban, even if I didn’t murder anyone. The fact of the matter was, I hated myself every single day. I honestly couldn’t blame anyone for hating me. I would walk down Diagon Alley and get insults slung at me every time. And it came to a point where I believed them. Where I believed I deserved to die. Where I believed I was nothing but dirt under their shoes. The day we ran into each other at Fortescue's, I was out for one last day. I had hit rock bottom. I was going out to do everything I wanted one last time. But then you started a conversation and when I got home, I couldn’t do it. I had to know if you meant what you said about putting everything behind us and moving on. I had to know if you meant doing it together. I had to know if you were serious. So I told myself I’d do it if it didn’t work out in a couple of weeks. Then you sent me the letter asking me to the quidditch game. And then dinner. And well, you know the rest. I did....do sometimes I guess, believe I am a little like the monster in my dream Harry. I just...I don’t know.

I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, I’m telling you this because Harry. It was you who saved me. There’s no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. You’ve changed my perspective. So how about we just settle on the fact we saved each other?

I’m glad your getting better, I wish I could say the same. The potions weren’t working so Madam Pomfrey had to change the combination. It’s been… hard.

So fucking hard. There have been days where I can’t get out of bed, days where I just stare endlessly at the ceiling, and then there’s been days I’ve forced myself to get out of bed. To go to classes. Even me sitting in the common room has been an accomplishment in the last week.

It’s been a complete balancing act. But you should be proud of me because I approached Madam Pomfrey to change the potions. I mean, it took me a couple of sleepless nights to do it, but I did it.

I was so lost and wanted nothing more than to write to you asking you to come home. I picked up the quill so many times to do just that, but then a small piece of me hated the thought of you coming home before you’re ready. I need you to be one hundred percent ready, and I need you to take your time.

The new potions are working a little better, but it could take weeks for the chemicals to re-balance themselves.

I don’t want to say I need you, because I know you’d come straight back home, and if you do that before you’re ready, I swear on my magic that I will hurt you. Don’t you dare.

I feel guilty as anything that I’m telling you, but I’d feel even worse if I didn’t tell you. So there we go.

I love you Harry. So much. I miss you a little bit more though.

Write back?

Love you always, missing you more,

Yours always,  

Draco.

P.S.. Thinking about you in dress robes, waiting at the end of the aisle for me, makes my heart skip a beat. I can promise you now Harry, that me calling your aunt a twat and that you aren’t a burden will be in my vows. I may have a rough idea of exactly what I want to say, even though I know you hate talking about the future but, I will be marrying you. Even if you don’t see it yet.

P.P.S. Tell Dragon Weasley that Malfoys are not cute! We are dignified and elegant..., oh who the hell am I kidding. I’m only cute with you then. That is the only time I will accept that…insult. I will most definitely not be patting Blaise on the shoulder! He can’t detach himself from girl Weasley's hip or lips long enough.

P.P.P.S The blue one that time, the one that curves up juuuusssttt right. The one you enjoy playing with while your cock is up my arse. It made me miss you more, but a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do.

P.P.P…. Oh you know what. Fuck it. There’s too many Ps.

I love you too. I miss you more.  

Counting down the days until your next letter arrives. And remember. If you turn up I will cause you immense pain.

Yours always

Draco. XX

**Author's Note:**

> So these are the four letters we both wrote for the owlery exchange, but! We both loved this so much we have decided to continue writing this story. 
> 
> As for how many more letters we’re going to write, we’re unsure. But stick around and see what comes!
> 
> A massive thank you to our betas, because without you we would be so lost. It means a lot to both of us. ❤️ 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed! 
> 
> ~ Enigmaeneel & OTPshipper98  
> 


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